The Hub, The Hustle, and the Gospel According to Bad Service

A customer getting served at an Mpesa Shop. Photo/Getty images.

Ladies and gentlemen, today I’m not here for my Makutano congregation. I know you love when I sprinkle a few shots at our local madness, but this Sunday, I’m stepping onto the national pulpit.

Yes — loyal readers, silent screenshot senders, and secret haters who pretend not to read my work but can’t wait to DM me with, “Felloh, kwani nani huyo alikukosea?”— this sermon is for all of you.

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Today’s Topic: The Rot in the Service Industry

I’m talking about transportation, Mpesa shop attendants, and — topping the list — bartenders and waiters.

I will spare matatus because their disrespect is already a national heritage. If Kenya were to apply for UNESCO recognition, “Matatu Madness” would get listed right after “Nyama Choma and Kachumbari.”

So, let’s focus on my top two offenders of the weekend:

1. Bartenders & waiters.

2. Mpesa shop attendants.

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When Kajembe Took Me Off the Reservation

Normally, my weekends are spent in Makutano — my comfort zone, my arena, my headquarters of both joy and chaos. But Kajembe the Stupid Boy lookalike, my right-hand man, friend, and occasional mischief consultant, decided I needed to “see life outside.”

So we packed our thirst and curiosity and headed to The Hub in Gitimbine, just off the Meru–Nairobi Highway.

From the outside, it looked promising. Clean, spacious, modern. The kind of place where you expect a smile with your order and maybe a thank-you when you pay.

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The Bartender with the Pride of a Governor

Then, I met the bartender.

If pride could be bottled and sold, this lady would be the official distributor. I was first in line, yet somehow my order took thirty full minutes. My mental stopwatch was not lying — I could have watched half an episode of a Netflix series while waiting.

When I asked, ever so politely, why the delay, she looked at me with the authority of a land registrar and replied, “Kama uko na haraka ungekuja jana.”

Now, I don’t scare easy. So, I calmly ordered two humble keg cups and handed her my loyal Ksh 1,000 note — the note standing between me and a broke weekend.

Her reply? “Hatuna change boss. Si uende utafte change ukam, ama kama uko nayo kwa simu, tuma na Mpesa.”

And with that, she went about her business like I was part of the décor.

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The Bartender’s Evil Cousin — Mpesa Attendant

I walked out to find change and entered the nearest Mpesa shop.

Now, thanks to Kasongo making ID replacement a Ksh 1,000 nightmare, I carry mine as a soft copy on my phone.

The Mpesa lady, chewing gum like she was auditioning for a bubble-blowing competition, asked for my ID. I told her I had it in soft copy.

Before I could explain, she was already back on her phone, laughing at TikTok videos like I was a mosquito buzzing in the background. No deposit. No service. Just pure, concentrated attitude.

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Why Businesses Die Faster Than Chang’aa Dens During a Raid

Let’s be honest: you can invest millions in a beautiful location, expensive décor, and a glowing signboard, but if the first person your customer meets is a walking insult, you’re finished.

Owners — your employees are either building your brand or slowly strangling it while you’re busy counting profits that will never grow. Customers have options. No one will sit around and be mistreated when there’s another bar, another Mpesa, or another boda boda rider ready to take their money with a smile.

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The Lesson

I eventually found change from a boda boda rider (bless their entrepreneurial spirit), paid for my drinks, and joined Kajembe. But I made a solemn vow — never to return to that place, even if it’s the last joint between me and thirst-induced collapse.

And that, my dear readers, is today’s gospel. No offering needed, just better service next time.

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About the Author

Felix Kelvin Kinyua is a published author, journalist, and strategic communications professional with a keen eye for storytelling that blends humor, satire, and social commentary. With a background in communications, media, and public policy, he is passionate about capturing the pulse of everyday life, highlighting both its ironies and its truths. His work spans news features, event coverage, creative writing, and digital content strategy, earning him a loyal readership across diverse audiences.

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