The Useless Thing I Got My Baby – A Satirical Dive into the Boy Child Crisis

 

Images of Children holding gifts. PHOTO/Getty Images

Scrolling through TikTok the other day, I stumbled upon a challenge that made me drop my phone, rub my eyes, and pick it up again just to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating. The challenge? "The Useless Thing I Got My Baby." Now, before you imagine mothers unwrapping pointless baby gifts, let me clarify—the "useless thing" in question is none other than absentee or deadbeat dads.

Yes, you read that right. Single moms are roasting the fathers of their children with ruthless precision, exposing them in viral videos. And just when you think it can't get worse, you realize some of these deadbeat dads aren’t just one-time offenders—they appear in multiple videos by different women. It’s like they’re running a franchise of fatherlessness. Imagine a guy minding his business, scrolling through TikTok, only to see himself trending as the "useless thing" in five different baby mamas’ posts. Yikes.

This got me thinking—what on earth happened to men? How did we get here?

A Society Gone Lopsided

Let’s rewind about two decades. The government, NGOs, and private entities decided, "The girl child needs empowerment!" And boy, did they deliver. Girls were sent to school in droves, mentorship programs popped up everywhere, and women were uplifted socially, academically, and economically.

But in the midst of all this, someone forgot the boy child in the parking lot.

While the girls were getting scholarships and life lessons, the boys were getting…well, lost. With no one to guide them, many wandered into vices—drugs, crime, and video games (because apparently, FIFA was the only thing that didn’t abandon them). Society was so focused on uplifting one gender that it neglected the other. And here we are, 20 years later, reaping the fruits of this imbalance.

Ladies, Lower the Ladder a Bit!

Now, let’s be real—women today have risen to great heights. They are educated, financially independent, and setting the bar high. Nothing wrong with that! But the problem? The boy child was never trained to climb.

The same men who grew up neglected now find themselves unable to meet these new expectations. Meanwhile, the ladies, having been raised to expect greatness, look around and go, "Wait…where are the good men?" The answer? Lost somewhere between their PlayStation and a bottle of cheap liquor.

Even the few men who managed to turn out well are struggling to integrate into this new society. They walk into relationships like confused exchange students—"So…who pays for the date now? Who leads? Should I be a provider or an equal partner? Do I need permission to open the door for her?"

The Vanishing Father Figure

The biggest crisis, however, is that boys are growing up without father figures. Many have spent their entire lives with mothers who, thanks to empowerment, believe “What a man can do, a woman can do better.”

Well, maybe—but one thing a woman can’t do is teach a boy how to be a man.

See, masculinity isn’t absorbed through osmosis. You don’t just wake up one day and boom—you're a responsible, dependable man. A boy learns to be a man by watching other men. But if all he sees are strong, independent women who "don’t need a man," he grows up with no blueprint for manhood.

We now have a generation of men raised by women who had no men around. So when it’s time for them to be fathers, what do they do? Disappear! Just like the fathers before them. It’s a vicious cycle.

So, What’s the Solution?

First, we need to revive the boy child. Start mentorship programs, create safe spaces for men to grow, and teach them that masculinity is not toxic—it’s necessary. A society without strong men is like a football team with no goalkeeper: chaotic, unstructured, and destined to concede goals.

Secondly, fathers, be present! Your sons need you. Even if things didn’t work out with the mother, don’t ghost your kids like an unpaid electricity bill. Be there, teach them, guide them, and for the love of all that is good—show up for visiting day at school!

Lastly, ladies, cut these men some slack. They were left behind for years. Instead of just setting standards, help them rise. A ladder is useless if you kick it away after climbing.

Final Thoughts

This TikTok challenge is just the symptom—the disease is far deeper. We neglected one gender for too long, and now we’re dealing with the consequences. If we want balanced, healthy families in the future, we must start fixing the boy child today.

Otherwise, in another 20 years, we’ll be on TikTok watching grandmothers say, "The most useless thing I got my grandbaby? His dad…and his granddad…and his great-granddad."

Let’s not let that happen.

**************************************

About the Author

Felix Kinyua is a freelance journalist and strategic communications expert with a Master’s degree in Public Policy and Administration. With a keen eye for societal issues and a passion for storytelling, Felix dissects contemporary challenges with a blend of humor, satire, and thought-provoking analysis. His work delves into the intersections of culture, governance, and social dynamics, offering fresh perspectives on the evolving world.

When he’s not crafting compelling narratives, Felix engages in multimedia content creation, photography, and design, using his skills to spark conversations that matter.